Need help....I am extremely unhappy & I need way 2 help cope........?I have been taking care of my sick Mother, who is dying of Mutiple Myeloma (cancer). I only came here because my Father was crying on the phone & said my sister would not come here & help take care of her. My sister & mom were always very tight, so when my Dad called, I was pretty shocked.
In the late 90's my father called me, when I lived in NYC. I had a really good job & though my life wasn't perfect, I was getting along okay & had lots of interests. HE called to say that my Mom was il w/ Asthma & that he needed help. During that time I took a leave of absence from my job & stayed for a month on the promise from my Father, that he was here & ready to be a family & that I needed to help him take care of my Mother. So, I moved all my crap down, took a leave of absence for a month & cooked & cleaned for them. I returned to NYC & was told that my company was being taken over by another & I'd have to resign & be rehired. With no avail, I tried, but was told to still try & my Father told me my job would be a 1/2 hr away w/ no worries & they would hire me on the spot.
Once I resigned & moved, I was not rehired & come to find out my job, if they were to hire me was an hour to 1 hour & 45 minutes away. Plus a toll bridge that costs 20$ a day, round trip.Than I found out that my Mother wasn't really ill & I was called there to cook & clean.
6 Months later I left & moved out of state. I think I was so devastated that I was lied to & lost a really good job, where I did well, loved on my own & felt good about myself. I moved to another state where, feeling so depressed I wound up getting high & allowed myself to be used & mistreated by other people. Though, I did have a good friend who was there for me, at that point & time, I didn't care for me. Things got bad & I moved back to where my parents were & not being there 2 weeks took an overdose of pills. Not truly trying to kill myself, but deaden the pain. I was sent to the local red-neck hospital, where my father insisted that I just do things like this to get attention. My family never visited me & my Sister told me the reason why she didn't come see me was because my Father said that she didn't have to. So, she went on vacation with her friends.
Not long after that I was scooped up by an abusive ex & wisked away to another bad environment. Thinking that I could save him & that I would be loved. Of course things went really wrong there & I had to escape the drugs & mental abuse yet to return to my "family".
I ping ponged back & forth from my families home to friends where, I wasn't sure who actually cared. I am sure, that of my friends who really cared, I disappointed because I couldn't differentiate between who really gave a crap about me & who didn't.
December 2007, my Father called me crying that my Mother had cancer & he need me to help him take care of her. I've been here ever since. Taking care of a woman who was never there for me or wouldn't even talk to me when I needed her. I totally take care of her & have tried to have no ill judgments toward her. For a yr. & a 1/2 I was her sole care giver & just recently (the past year) my Father has helped me to take care of her. Now, he wants me to take care of the both of them. I try really hard to have no ill will & do the best I can, but lately I am so depressed & feel so bad, I don't know what to do.
He claims he will talk to the doctor about how she is...her health is very poor & the chemo is only but making her loses her mind.I have resentment & am so very depressed. I have no insurance & public assistance is null if not void here.
I'm afraid that my destiny is doomed & I am so ready to shoot myself in the head. I feel that I have lost out on my life because I never lived myself for me & only worked toward a family, that was never actually there for me in the first place. I am desperate & don't know what to do. HELP!!
Answer by Slater
You sound like a wonderful person. To beable to forgive and forget like you, thats a great skill... But in the end fate will always help you if you're a good person which it sounds like u are. Trust me, just keep being a great person and the good will come.
Answer by Jenn R
Don't kill yourself. You're so lucky to even be alive, to have anyone who loves you, to be healthy, not crippled, not diseased etc.
There is so much you can do in your life. you have so much opportunity. say what you need to say, do what you need to do to make you happy. go climb a mountain, move somewhere else, go on vacation, make a new friend, paint a picture, find a hobby, get a pet.
Life is everything, and as far as we know there is nothing in death. Why would you end a life that literally billions of people would give an arm and a leg just to have? There are modern slaves and child soldiers whose lives are wasted and thrown away for the benefit of others.
Don't be another wasted life. Make a difference, have an impact, adopt a child and give it a better life. The world is full of pain and suffering that you could scarcely imagine. Life has challenges, don't be a failure. Don't give up. Smile, laugh and thank your lucky stars for every day you wake, every second your heart beats. The improbability of your existence should be enough to show you how luck you are to even be alive. Think about what people have sacrificed to give you life. Think about how much many people love you. Think about the pain it was for your mom to give birth to you. Think about everything you've ever done, all for nothing? I don't think so. Think about all of the choices and rights that you have, that other people can't even fathom. Remember how lucky you are. Go change someone's life for the better.
Cut out the things that make you depressed. Life's too short to be worried, have regrets, hate or be sad. Don't feel sorry for yourself, just change it. Out of millions of sperm, you were the one that was chosen to live ! Take heart in that !
x
take care of yourself. cancer is a part of life, and it can't be treated or prevented. I am so sorry about the suffering you have in your life, and I truly hope you find some happiness. your destiny is not doomed. you could be 75 and still make a difference in your life. Make your family as happy as you can and make yourself as happy as you can.
They say that when you reach the gates of heaven, St. Peter asks you two questions. "Did you make the people around you happy in your life? Did you make yourself happy in your life?" make both of these yes's. Make every last moment with your mom a happy one, even if you are sad. She needs it and so do you. Life will go on, I promise. Make the most of yours. There's always something to live for.
Answer by Cold Woman
wow. I was in a similar situation where my mom needed help with my step dad. he had a bad head injury. Every time I needed them they turned there backs on me. when i left my x bf and need a place for my son and I to stay, I was told to bad so sad. figure it out. Being single raising a baby and working full time, I asked them to watch my son while my day care was out of town and was told I raised my kids now you raise yours. After I was married I would try to spend time with them so I would go over to there house and my step dad would ask me to leave. I strived to make them proud of me in high school id bring home B+ and they would say why didn't you get an A? Never payed attention to me and he was very abusive when I was a little girl. I took the training to take care of him (his own kids that were sooo great and perfect wouldn't even help!) and I helped my mom dropped MY job and put my family on hold (husband and kids). Helped her for 2 years, let go of my resentment to both of them. Spent $ 7000.00 in Day care in less that 6 months. BUT I got a chance to be with my step dad. I know I made him proud when I was taking care of him. My kids got to know the good parts of him, My mom took an interest in my kids for a minute. It was hard and at times it felt horrible. But do what you have to do and try your hardest. Your spending the last most Precious time with your parents, Don't take every moment so for granted. My dad past away 1 year ago. What I wouldn't give to see him and tell him how much I miss him, of to feed him or put meds in his G-tube, Even hear him ask who I was? ANYTHING!!!! If it wouldn't have been for me my mom would have been alone. I couldn't imagine doing what both of us did ALONE! Be strong for your dad. Help him. Make sure you take a break -breath- You were looking for a job when you found that good one that made you happy. Im sure it wasn't the last job in the world. You'll find happiness some times you just have to look threw the sadness.
Answer by Lavender
First of all I want to thank you for what you are doing. Not many people sacrifice what they have or leave their lives to be with their parents so that alone shows you to be a selfless human being willing to sacrifice yourself for someone who needs you. You have a gift, and you are very brave you have done all that you can to help your family without thinking about it. Don't lose sleep on whether they deserve it or not, because God is the only judge you have opened you doors so wide and are storing up great wealth in heaven. Also remember God's eyes are on you every second he sees what you have done he is taking you through a very challenging tribulation, and you my friend are not perfect but have taken heart and are a very brave woman who has done the best she can in this situatuion, I promise God's bessing in you life will be great he is faithful and he will not leave you after you have nearly finished what you were called to do in your mother's life. Men cannot ever repay one another for anyting but God is able. my best advice to you is to get on your knees and thank God he has given you this opportunity to sacrifice yourself for another life and pray for strength, his grace will be abundant in your life when you humble yourself before the Lord unbelievable things happen. Walk by faith not by sight. With love in Jesus :)
Expert Opinion in Myeloma: Recent developments in treatment
Leading myeloma experts discuss recent developments in treatment and care of myeloma. Professor Sundar Jagannath, Chief of Multiple Myeloma Center, St Vincent's Cancer Center, New York, Professor Gareth Morgan, Consultant Haematologist, Royal Marsden Hospital, Surrey; Dr Atul Mehta, Consultant Haematologist, Royal Free Hospital, London and Tracy Howe, Myeloma CNS, Christie Hospital, Manchester. Myeloma UK is the only organisation in the UK dealing exclusively with myeloma and its related disorders. For more information, visit: www.myeloma.org.uk
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