Can you help me with a book I'm writing?I want to be a writer someday, and right now I'm working on a chapter book. Here is a small sample of the first chapter in it's rough draft format and the book overview.
GENERAL BOOK OVERVIEW
Title: ???
Genre (style of book): Drama/Children and family
Summary: Alexandra Cartel has a younger sister who isn't like most little 6 year old girls. She's recently been diagnosed with lung cancer, a traumatic experience and and deadly disease that will probably cut her life short. Alexandra has love for her Isabel, her sister, knowing the truth about her illness. She's very confused when her mother says of all things, a therapy dog is going to help Isabel along the road of illness. Alexandra has many doubts and negative thoughts about this, determined and stubborn about something so silly helping her sister. This is not the story of a girl and dog. This story is one that shapes the life of a lung cancer patient and changes two very different lives forever. And to think it all happened with Sky.
CHAPTER 1 SAMPLER: ROUGH DRAFT
I woke to the sound of the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. I slowly turned my head toward the alarm clock that rested on my nightstand: 10:14. Trudging out of my bed, I figured that today would be like most ordinary days. I would soon realize that I was wrong. I glanced out the window. A little cloudy, but not really looking like it would rain. It was early June and school had just gotten out a few days ago. Rain showers and thunderstorms came often in the summer months of Florida. I walked over to my closet and quickly changed into some dark blue jean shorts and a navy and white striped tank top. Then I slipped into some navy flip flops and brushed my long, deep brown shaded hair. Slowly and reluctantly, I walked to my sister's room, bracing myself for the worst. I placed my fingers on the knob, and at first hesitated to turn it. I looked up at her pale pink door that raid "Isabel" in pale pink letters, proudly displayed near stickers of fairies and crowns and teddy bears that were given to her from the workers and the hospital. Then I realized that I would have to open the dreaded door one time or another. So I did. I turned the knob and opened the door on the day that would change my life forever. And there was Isabel. Dark honey-blond hair and dazzling blue sapphires for eyes. People always told us our eyes were what brought us together as sisters. But to me we looked absolutely nothing alike. Her beautiful and dainty little golden curls, framing her pale and somewhat angelic, yet strong and brave little face. Her eyes were still closed, and her long lashes soon fluttered open like a butterfly with a broken wing. Slowly, but a bit choppy, and still so gracefully done. And there they were. The perfectly round jewels, the ocean blue pools of water. The eyes. Her eyes. Our eyes. "Good morning," she said in her delicately soft little voice. That almost brought me to tears. I didn't know how much longer I would be hearing that voice. I sat on a small chair next to her bed. "Izzy," I managed to say in a breaking tone. I reached out and brushed a tuft of gold out of her face and curved it behind her ear. "Lexie, don't cry." She told me. I hadn't even realized that tears were streaming down my face. Anything for her. I looked into her eyes and smiled, making funny faces. She giggled. Hearing that warm, bright laugh filled me with hope. Hope that she would live until tomorrow. Maybe even until next year. But the chances of that happening were grim. She had 8 months to live, according to the doctors.
QUESTIONS:
I hope you guys liked it! Now if you could just answer these questions I have about it:
1. What should the title be? I was thinking about something like It All Happened With Sky, because Sky is gonna be the name of the dog. Or 101 Days Of Healing because it's starts at the beginning of summer, right after school got out which has 104 days in it. Any ideas?
2. Was the genre I classified it under suitable for the story?
3. Overall, what did you think of my writing?
4. I'm thinking about adding a little more drama to the story by making either the little girl or the dog die, maybe even both. Or do you think that would be too sad and dramatic? If I was for sure gonna make one of them die, would it be the little girl, the dog, or both?
Any comments, suggestions, critiquing, and feedback is welcome and appreciated!!! Put please don't be rude mean. I'm only 11 years old, going into 6th grade, and this is one of my first shots at writing a full-length book. Thanks guys!!! ;)
I had actually written it out on paper and then I typed it up, and I accidently wrote pink on pink instead of purple on pink. And thanks for letting me know about the grim-slim thing, I had heard the expression before but I guess I just made an error. Thanks for the advice!
Answer by oldhippypaul
1. I like the 101 Days of Healing
2. Yes
3. I liked the way the story was developing but you need to work on the language a little. Try reading it out loud. Also look at the logic of what you are righting. pink writing on a pink door? How would you see it. Also look at the meaning of the words. Chances are slim - not grim. But do not let me discourage you. It is a very good story. It just needs work - and that is what good writing is all about.
4. You could have the girl die and have a final chapter about what happens after her death.
Answer by Anna Haha
The first thing I would like to say is fantastic job, for you age, this is really really really good.
1. Maybe something like "Summer Sky" or "A summer I'll never forget" Try something that draws in the reader.
2. From the first chapter, the genre sounds pretty appropriate, you might want to include something about animals if the dog has any impact on the story
3.Other than that it was amazing, I thought it jumped from topic to topic without much transition, especially at the beginning. You also had some spelling errors.
4.It would add drama if somone died, but I think it would be really dramatic if the girl and the dog died at the same time, or both the girl and the lived.
I really hope to see your book published!
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